You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize