Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
