I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
