fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
