I want to make a zoo with you.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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