I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
ok first of all what the fuck
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
