Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
They have beer where we have blood.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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