Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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