I wish my penis had an off switch
I just pynch a tree in the face
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
