i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
