Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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