i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
