i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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