Don't you send me to vm
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize