Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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