i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
