You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
