I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
