its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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