love makes seman taste better
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
