My first STD was from a foam party
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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