The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
