Just cropdusted the office
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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