i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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