Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
