i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
