So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
