This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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