I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
