Swine flu. Run for my life!
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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