he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
