Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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