I'm pants shitting drunk right now
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
