I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
