she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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