how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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