Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
