oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Of course I have a pirate flag
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
