my mouth tastes like poor choices
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
