my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
