i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
