Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
