i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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