you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
