My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
