Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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