john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
