y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
