he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
