Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
It's just like the Real World with babies
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
