brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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