Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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