youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
