don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
