Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
