he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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