Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
