Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
