I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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