Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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