Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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