I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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