Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
