he wants to bone in the snuggie
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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