this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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