Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
